Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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