I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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