omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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