Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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