I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
