You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
