i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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