I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
