Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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