and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
last night I used snow as a chaser
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