I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
