they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
