He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
