Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize