i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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