ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
