watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
