No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
