On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it was like his penis was on wheels.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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