I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
