I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize