I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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