Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just gift wrapped bread.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
