I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
