yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
