i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
