I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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