Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
