is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Even my vagina gasped.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
