3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
