so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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