At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
