You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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