Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
