i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
