i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
