Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You are a genius and a whore.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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