We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize