It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
