I love having hate sex.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
