isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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