Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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