dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
