they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
