He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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