Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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