so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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