I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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