It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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