:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
