Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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