'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
