I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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