who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize