Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
