Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
