ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
