We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
