did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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