My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
if only i could text you this smell
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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