Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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