We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The best revenge is premature balding
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
