when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
